Love beyond the obvious...

Starting off each day dreaming of you. thinking of you, earning for you... to be small once again.

You spend your entire adult life surrounded by people who tempt you with the thought of starting a family of your own. For me it was easy decision though. When the mister and I started dating he had full custody of his son from previous marriage and I was well aware starting a relationship with him meant it was a package deal. Have to admit it helped that Alex had full custody. Biological mother had not been in the picture at all since Anthony was just an infant, she didn't even reside in the same country. The only mom that he grew up knowing was Alex's mom (Anthony's grandmother). The kid had been through quite the ordeal during a very young child. After an accident that occurred when he was just learning to walk he ended up falling, with the extent of his injury resulting in him to undergo 3 separate brain surgeries to relieve a subdural hematoma. After many years of keeping a watchful eye (and endless prayers) on his development all were delighted that he made a full recovery, after a long road a physical therapy. Alex soon finished college, and moved back into his parents to be able to surround his son with the love of his entire family. When I met him Anthony was 5 years old was such a funny, kind, and wonderful, normal, happy kid. Falling in love with this kid was so easy. He had just started kindergarten, and was all about Legos and hot wheels. Barney was sang in the car on the way to the small town grocery store, and then all of a sudden (in what seemed life the blink of an eye) he was 12 years old... the three of us living here in Spokane. We rocked his world with the biggest news yet.. he was going to be a big brother!

After 7 years we were now expecting our little girl, Julessa. She was unexpected but a joyful surprise she was. The two of them growing up together even with such an age gap between the two would create some challenges, it was also beautiful to see him gain the title of big brother. A title many take for granted, but I hoped and nurtured what things we could do together. Hiking or just a simple stroll through the park or forest was and is my favorite family adventure. They would find things together, like mushrooms, wildflowers, or even bugs. They would discover new things through each other's different perspectives of life. It truly made me appreciate all of the little things in our lives that much more. Anthony decided he wanted to take a break from his last few years of soccer, and try some flag football... through the boys and girls club. He did a great job. He and his best friend for many years, Hunter, decided they'd be on the team together. Anthony was having a blast. And Julessa joined us in all of our fun too... being she was in her infant car seat or in the carrier, helping me cheer him on. It seems at times, I hardly remember what life was like before having these kids in my life.

I know that one day they'll grow up and leave the nest, hopefully they don't need to ever go

to therapy due to any of the choices I've made thus far in my motherhood adventure. I chose from the beginning to stay at home with my kids. I was and am each day grateful for the opportunity to be able to stay at home and devote each and every day to my kid's lives. To not have to miss out on any school concerts or even the midday call to come pick up Anthony when he wasn't feeling well or hurt at the school. Remember like it was yesterday, half way through the day and phone would ring and office or nurse would ask me to come pick him up early. I looked at it like an opportunity for the two of us to play hooky and enjoy the outdoors. We'd grab some snacks and head to Riverfont Park. It was one of the only larger parks I knew about and loved exploring. Anthony and I's favorite place to go feed the ducks and go stare at the Spokane Falls. At the time they were almost hidden as you had to walk along the back end of the city hall. Suddenly stairs would appear and only two or three other people were ever over there. We'd stand there for a long while. Watching the raging water go by us... the mist hitting our faces. Then we'd venture back over to our car and come home to start dinner. At the time of Anthony being younger I had barely started learning to cook. And on top of it all he was the pickiest of all eaters. Being spoiled by grandma for so many years.

Taking on the role of mom meant I needed to be able to educate myself on all sorts of things. Which eventually led to me adopting a more crunchy/ more natural lifestyle. It has seemed to help improve my life along with my families. The choices we make in our own personal family/life adventures will evidentially my different then others. That is okay. What works for one, may not work for the other. Adding onto our family now two more times with both our girls has taught me that. Each day is a new adventure. Frankly I am excited and anxious for what tomorrow has in store for us. Let's face it we can plan, organize, and stress about all sorts of things each and every day. But where does that lead us? We can only pray that we aren't too late and that we don't have unexpected spit up on our shirt, we don't forget to feed the dog, everyone has clean socks on, and the snack bag isn't left on the counter yet again as we try and leave the house. The love I have for my kids is unimaginable. Some days I wish I could have made better choices. Said things in a different tone and maybe gotten down to the kid's level more. I was 18 years old when Alex and I started dating, now nearly 14 years later, I am 32 years old... and just living life day to day. Wanting only but the best for the kids in each of their lives. For whatever the future holds. How scary is it loving someone so much that you lose track of who you are as an individual? Life before motherhood seems like lifetime away. And in all honestly it has been an entire lifetime. The girls now ages 7 and 3 years old... Anthony graduated H.S. with a scholarship and is now in his second year of college. Changing his major from pre-law to a business degree. College is about finding who you are as a person. Rediscovering yourself. I pray every day I haven't fucked up and slacked any when it comes to nurturing Anthony into who he is today. It was been a wonderful journey, but I can't deny it's been the scariest rollercoaster ride of a time. Looking back I wouldn't change a thing... although now having our own home and being a bit more stable. I appreciate all of the hard work Alex does for our family. It's somedays the brightest of days, but if this last year especially has taught us anything, then it is This Too Shall Pass! This thing called love doesn't even begin to describe what I feel for my family. I have always been so proud of my kids. If only I could remember to take the time to express it more often. To not shout out of frustration. To hug my kids more. To apologize whenever I myself does something wrong. To take the time to see the world through the magic in their eyes.

So thank you Anthony, for allowing me the honor of being your "Mom." Don't you EVER forget and deny the fact that I love you, more than you'll ever understand.